OK, I wrote some really mediocre reviews of three new albums I love but they’re on my laptop and I can’t get them online. So you’ll get them next week.
Here’s what I what to take on this week:
If you get tired of reading me, you can read the Onion article here.
Boy is this a stupid list. It’s obviously an attempt for Record retailers (who this is brainchild of, along with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame) to repackage records and include some kind of “bonus” that will make it cost more. I think it’s a last gasp effort for the Record sellers to remind us that they still matter, even if Record seller is a pleasant euphemism for music marketers.
I don’t know if this list will be publicized or not, as Blockbuster often does with their “classics” in an attempt to sell more movies, but if it does it will backfire in a big way for the following reasons:
1. The audience who likes slick, overproduced rap, Matchbox 20 and/or the Grease soudntrack, and Country (all of which are included for mostly arbitrary reasons) do not care about lists like this, and therefore will not consult it to buy a Miles Davis CD.
2. The audience who likes Jazz, PET SOUNDS, and Electronica and have memorized every Rolling Stone or Pitchfork list, are going to immediate disregard the list for the inclusion of the above genres.
Therefore the companies involved will lose a lot of money in repackaging these albums. And what’s most mystifying is that they decided to rank these. Why not just put them in alphabetical order to better justify Norah Jones as having delivered a better album than anything the Beach Boys did besides PET SOUNDS (which is, of course, insane)? And apparently 191 albums are better than Steely Dan’s AJA, and over 200 (at least) are better than CAN’T BUY A THRILL, COUNTDOWN TO ECSTASY, PRETZEL LOGIC, GAUCHO, KATY LIED, THE ROYAL SCAM, etc, among them something by KID ROCK?????!?!?!? One album by Radiohead. No Stooges, Television, Wilco, Sigur Ros, Elliot Smith, Flaming Lips, Nick Cave, R.E.M., Neutral Milk Hotel, Kinks, Gram Parsons, Leonard Cohen, Roy Orbison, or Nick Drake. No Bruce Springsteen albums that don’t start with BORN. Also, there are no albums by the Talking Heads or the Velvet Underground, two of the most influential bands to ever wear goofy shirts, and my two favorite bands EVER.
Here are the most questionable inclusions:
(BTW, as for the format issues, I am quitting Blogger soon; I'm sick of this cut and paste junk; how hard is it to format something out of WORD?)
13. Santana, SUPERNATURAL
14. Metallica, four albums, including their S/T, which even most of their fans hate (at #14)
- Shania Twain, COME ON OVER
- Alanis Morissette, JAGGED LITTLE PILL
- Outkast
33. Dixie Chicks, WIDE OPEN SPACES (two years ago, this would not have made the list)
36. Def Leppard, HYSTERIA (are you kidding me??!?!)
37. Soundtrack, GREASE (more on this in a second)
- Bon Jovi, SLIPPERY WHEN WET (remember folks, there are no Talking Heads albums on this list)
- Whitney Houston, WHITNEY HOUSTON
- Dave Matthews Band, CRASH (Oh sweet lord….)
57. 50 Cent, GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN’ (Because the people he has exploited and is exploiting need to have his filthy, materialistic legend plastered on a list like this made by people who don’t listen to him)
- Green Day, AMERICAN IDIOT (50 spots better than OK COMPUTER)
65. Coldplay, RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD (Soon to be playing softly in an elevator near you)
66. Meatloaf, BAT OUT OF HELL (I used to think that the Loaf was kind of underrated, so its nice to see that now I can stop saying this, because he’s now overrated)
- Usher, CONFESSIONS
69.George Harrison, ALL THINGS MUST PASS (“See,” They’re saying, “we can be inclusive snots too! Then there’s this:
- Kid Rock, DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE (bitchin!)
74. Phil Collins, NO JACKET REQUIRED
76. Faith Hill, BREATHE (Which is a much more groundbreaking accomplishment than all the stoic hipsters who cried after hearing OK COMPUTER)
84. Linkin Park, HYBRID THEORY (I’m starting to wonder if this is a joke.)
86. Def Leppard, PYROMANIA (I can just see this dude demanding TWO Leppard albums on the list or he QUITS!)
87. Janet Jackson, CONTROL
91. Matchbox 20, YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU (the most unforgivable sin on this list)
95. Creed, HUMAN CLAY (never mind – this is one spot ahead of LONDON CALLING, mind you. Creed is one spot ahead of LONDON CALLING.)
97. Celine Dion, FALLING INTO YOU (damn that woman can sing!)
100. Dixie Chicks, HOME
103. Soundtrack, TITANIC (You know! It had that song by Celine Dion on it! And . . . all the other songs!)
113. Dixie Chicks, FLY
116. Mariah Carey, DAYDREAM
117. Soundtrack, TOP GUN (Where the hell is Belinda Carlisle anyway?)
123. Tool, LATERALUS
127. Christina Aguilera, CHRISTINA AGUILERA (I actually think this is an OK album, and might go on some best albums of the last 20 years list. But the 127 Best albums EVER?
133. Natalie Cole, UNFORGETTABLE (See this belongs here, because obviously it made Natalie Cole the megastar she is today, and wasn’t merely proof that she could only sell an album by relying on her Dad’s fame. Oops)
151. Janet Jackson, JANET
154. Will Smith, BIG WILLIE STYLE
158. George Michael, FAITH (Another OK album by an artist we now revile, which still has no business being ahead of THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST)
162. Avril Lavigne, LET GO (WHAT?!?!?)
168. Soundtrack, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Obviously there was no criteria for this list; it just had to be “something you can buy in a CATS.)
172. Shakira, LAUNDRY SERVICE (The influence of this album is astounding . . . NOT; #175 is Curtis Mayfield’s superlative SUPERFLY soundtrack, BTW)
176. Live, THROWING COPPER (Oh, are we through making fun of them now?)
178. White Stripes, WHITE BLOOD CELLS (Who on earth thinks this is a better album than the not-included ELEPHANT or GET BEHIND ME SATAN?!?)
182. Wings, BAND ON THE RUN (snicker . . .)
197. U2, ALL THAT YOU CAN’T LEAVE BEHIND (Let the arguing begin, although even among still-active U2 fans, the suggestion that this album is better than BOY, WAR, or even RATTLE AND HUM should be insidious)
I probably left a few out (BEYONCE, for example). But I still find the list appalling, and it is obviously only around to turn money for people who don’t necessarily need to sell records to exist. Everyone on here is fat and happy, and most of them are defunct (in more ways that one). No kid is going to see this list and fall in love with an underrated classic.
To end this with something positive, if I knew that, tomorrow, I was going to be whisked away to a desert island and could only bring ten albums, they would be:
Velvet Underground, VELVET UNDERGROUND (the gray album)
Talking Heads, FEAR OF MUSIC
Beatles, RUBBER SOUL
Flaming Lips, YOSHIMI BATTLES THE PINK ROBOTS
Television, MARQUEE MOON
Nick Drake, BRYTER LAYTER
Radiohead, THE BENDS
R.E.M., OUT OF TIME
Bob Dylan, JOHN WESLEY HARDING
The Beach Boys, SURFS UPposted by Andytown | 2:02 PM
2 Comments:
Several bones to pick here. I'm not sure how many of my bone picking bones are all the hot wings the 200 list discarded when there was still plenty of meat and how many are your left over bones.
First, the Hall of Fame list is biased as has been everything about the Hall of Fame since its inception. I mean what has Cincinatti or where ever the Hall of Fame is ever had to do with music? There were serious considerations for Memphis to be the Hall of Fame's home town and had those been upheld we might not be witnessing covert commercials such as this list.
Second, lists such as this always fail on some level. So, at what level does this list succeed? I beleive it garned some much needed cash for the Hall of Fame and justified its existance to the uncaring public.
Third, this list has to do with Fame which in its fickle nature does not have anything to do with good taste, good sense, or historical accuracy.
On those points I agree that the White Stripe's Elephant is a more famous album than White Blood Cells. American Idiot is a more famous album than OK Computer (it has had HUGE worldwide popularity as has 50 cent's Get Rich). And a great deal of the musical failings of this list have more to do with globalization and conspicuous consumption than bad taste. On a worldwide level artists like Janet Jackson will always triumph over the Velvet Underground and even (gasp) the Beatles. As to U2's inner fickalities, these are nothing new to U2 fans. I remember having arguements about Achtung Baby verses Rattle and Hum and Rattle and Hum verses War each in their season, or the Cure's Mood Swings verses Disentigration etc.
Furthermore, to sight Coldplay's elevator musicability is actually to improve its standing in this list. That being said all philosophy aside, I think it is hard to seperate the meaning of a list like this from its perceived meaning.
A few cents:
- I would give Coldplay a lot more credit than elevator music, even though I cry when I think about how dinky the keyboard parts are. I think Chris Martin is a decent all-around musician.
- yeah, I wouldn't even put Green Day on the list anyway.
- the Hall of fame is in Cleveland.
- I like Elephant a lot more than White Blood Cells too.
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